Failing

It's something that almost seems taboo. Sure, it's a bad thing but what else can you do but learn from it after it's happened?

If you've failed at something, don't be ashamed of it. Go back, re-do it and pass. And through it all, hold your head up and be damn proud that you're not giving up.

What happened happened in the past. You can't change the past but sure as hell can change the future.

I'll admit that I'm not exactly the best student - far from it, really. I slack off at times where I really shouldn't and end up crossing my fingers and hoping that I did well enough to pass, rather than have confidence in myself that I know my stuff and can pass the subject without praying to every saint and god there is.

Sometimes I get lucky (actually, most of the time) and pass. Occasionally I even surprise myself by performing satisfactorily, but then there are the odd fails.

To me, the failure itself isn't quite so bad, it's the judgemental looks that go with them that makes it difficult to deal with.

The looks that say infinitely more than what the words uttered.

And the implication that you're better than me because you didn't fail a subject.

Perhaps it's all paranoia on my behalf. It's difficult, though, not to feel a bit of self-doubt when one is constantly surrounded by people who excel - C's, D's and HD's all around.

It really makes me question, 'Why not me? What's the difference between them and me? Why does it take me so much more effort? Why is it so hard for me to even pass?'

They're not questions that can be answered by others but by saying them, writing them and looking at them, it puts them out there for me to answer.

I know that it's not all that healthy to keep comparing to others since no matter how hard I try, there will always be someone better than me and someone worse than me. It's just important to keep in it perspective.

I can keep these unhealthy feelings at bay.

I just gotta keep improving.

One step at a time.